


Who I Want To Be

by cartoonjunkie



Category: Green Day, The Network (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mind Control, Multiple Personalities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:17:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4339034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cartoonjunkie/pseuds/cartoonjunkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unsure of himself and the life he has chosen, Billie takes a moment to reflect on the person he is and who he'd rather be...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who I Want To Be

People see what they want to see. They think they see a man who hasn’t aged since he was 27, but that’s just how they see me from the outside. They all tell me that I’m handsome, beautiful, or that I don’t age, but when I look at myself in the mirror the only thing that I can see are my flaws.

My distorted hair that has been straightened and dyed too many times beyond count, my tired hands with their fingertips rough and callused from so many years of playing guitar, and my petite body (although still active) I can feel it becoming more and more sluggish everyday as the years add on.

We are all our own worst critics and I'm obviously no better.

The longer I look at my reflection, the more uncomfortable I feel inside my own body and soon have to look away. Every time I get this weird feeling after looking too long and realize; that’s me, that’s who I am, that’s myself in the mirror.

People have often told me that they wish they could be me, to know what my life is like. Sometimes I wish I could do that, just leave my body for a day and let someone else deal with all the bullshit that comes with having to run a band.

Yes, someone else. Someone bold and brash, no fear or remorse for anyone or anything. I close my eyes and imagine it...

Someone who doesn't give a shit about the consequences of his actions, someone who just does whatever he wants whenever he wants, no one to tie him down or expect anything out of. Someone else, anyone else, besides me.

I open my eyes and see myself through the mirror sitting on the hotel’s bathroom floor back against the wall, and watch as blackness creeps its way into the corners of my vision.

There is an aura of reddish glow surrounding me, and just like in one of those cartoons a ghostlike figure takes shape around me. The figure stands up with its back towards me and the blackness begins to slowly swallow up my remaining vision, like a light at the end of a tunnel shrinking into the distance. As the darkness continues to consume me, the figure gains more color.

His hair is the deepest shade of black like dark-matter that lies beyond the stars, His hands are wrapped with black and white gloves that are cut to expose his painted fingertips, His body is fitted in the most radiant red suit that glistens like a ruby underneath the florescent lights of the bathroom, and His face… I can’t see it… It’s getting too dark…

It’s almost as if he can hear what I’m saying in my mind, because now he’s slowly turning himself around to face me. The shadows continue to grow and my eyes are trying as the might to see, to know who this is. Again as though he were reading my thoughts, the man kneels down before me and moves forward just enough so I can finally see who he is.

His eyes… they’re… my eyes.

The darkness clouds my mind, and I smile. “You are who I want to be.”

I can feel him smile my same smile back at me and then lean in closer till our faces are inches apart. “I am who you want to be.”

I look him over one last time just as our lips touch and then… my whole world turns black.


End file.
